The Reality of Relational Struggle
It doesn’t take long in the Christian life to realize that not every believer is easy to love. Some are abrasive, others are immature, and still others seem blind to their own offenses. There are Christians who push your buttons, wear you down, and test your patience.
And if we’re honest, we have been those Christians at times too.
Yet the call remains clear and unwavering: “This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you” (John 15:12, BSB). Not just the lovable. Not just the agreeable. Not just the ones who return your love. All of them. Because that’s what Jesus did for us.
1. The Call to Love Is a Call to Christlikeness
Love isn’t optional in the Christian life—it’s essential. It is not a sentimental emotion, but a Christ-shaped sacrifice. Jesus said, “By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:35, BSB).
That love is not proven when relationships are easy. It is revealed in the tension. In the difficult conversations. In the grace extended when none is returned.
The standard isn’t our preference—it’s Christ’s example:
“Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so also you must forgive.” (Colossians 3:13, BSB)
Jesus didn’t die for a cleaned-up version of us. He died for us while we were still sinners, enemies, rebels. The cross wasn’t convenient—it was costly. And now, His love compels us to love others, even the hard-to-love.
2. Hard-to-Love Christians Are Opportunities for Growth
God, in His sovereign grace, puts difficult people in our lives not to torment us, but to transform us.
That believer who frustrates you? That brother or sister who never seems to change? They are part of your sanctification. They expose what is still selfish, impatient, or unloving in you.
We often want God to remove the difficult person—but God wants to refine us through them.
As Paul writes, “Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love.” (Ephesians 4:2, NLT)
What if that hard-to-love Christian is the very tool God is using to conform you to the image of His Son?
3. Love Doesn’t Mean Enabling, But It Always Means Bearing
Loving difficult people doesn’t mean ignoring sin or avoiding truth. There are times when love rebukes (Proverbs 27:5), corrects (2 Timothy 3:16), or even sets boundaries (Matthew 18:15–17). But it never withdraws into bitterness or indifference.
Paul says it this way:
“Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” (1 Corinthians 13:7, BSB)
Love bears—not by pretending things are okay—but by committing to walk with others in grace, believing that God is at work in their lives, even when progress is slow.
4. Remember Who You Are in Christ
The only way we can love others—especially the hard-to-love—is by remembering how deeply we are loved in Christ.
You and I were not lovable when Jesus saved us. We were dead in sin (Ephesians 2:1), hostile to God (Romans 8:7), and blind to His glory (2 Corinthians 4:4). But in mercy, He pursued us. In love, He made us His own.
Now, we love—not from emptiness—but from the overflow of grace.
“We love because He first loved us.” (1 John 4:19, BSB)
And that love is now poured into our hearts by the Holy Spirit (Romans 5:5). We are not left to love in our own strength—we love by Christ living in us.
5. A Word to the Weary
Maybe you’ve tried. Maybe you’ve prayed, forgiven, served, and shown kindness, and nothing has changed. You feel drained, even resentful.
Here’s the encouragement: Your love is not wasted. Every act of grace, every choice to forgive, every refusal to retaliate—God sees it all. And He is using it, both in you and in them.
Even when love seems to make no difference on the outside, it is forming the character of Christ in you.
“And let us not grow weary in doing good, for in due time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” (Galatians 6:9, BSB)
An Appeal to the Saints
Beloved, don’t settle for a love that only loves the easy. That’s the world’s love. But you are not of this world. You are united to Christ. You bear His name. You are filled with His Spirit.
Let your love reflect His—bold, humble, enduring, sacrificial.
Ask the Lord to help you see that difficult brother or sister through His eyes. Ask Him to remind you of the patience He shows you every day. And then go love—not because they deserve it, but because Christ is worthy of it.
An Appeal to the Lost
Maybe you’ve seen Christians who are hard to love—and it’s pushed you away. Maybe you’ve thought, “If that’s what Christianity looks like, I want nothing to do with it.”
But friend, don’t judge Christ by those who are still being changed by Him.
Jesus is not like us. He is perfect in love, rich in mercy, and full of grace. He doesn’t ask you to come when you’re cleaned up—He invites you as you are.
Come to Him. Trust in Him. Receive His love—and He will begin the transforming work that only He can do.
Conclusion: A Love That Looks Like Christ
The beauty of the gospel is not just that it saves us, but that it shapes us. And nowhere is that more visible than in the way we love each other—especially when it’s hard.
Loving difficult Christians is not about gritting your teeth—it’s about letting Christ live His life through you.
So put on Christ. Abide in Him. Let His love fill you, fuel you, and flow through you—even to the ones who are hardest to love.
Because that is how the world will know we are His.
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